Girl’s Talk with Karen Ramsay

This entry is part 37 of 24 in the series Adventure Rider Issue #3

Any women reading this are going to nod knowingly. Blokes, you’re probably going to disagree with me initially. All I ask is that you open your mind and realise I’m not being sexist. I’m merely revealing what I’ve observed after living with one of you for 25 years and spending time with quite a lot of you over my lifetime. The fact that this is even getting printed means both the male editor and male publisher recognise the truth. I’m sure the lovely women reading will agree that all the hairy-knuckled ones out there have been covering up the reality for too long and it’s time they were exposed (figuratively, not literally).

I hope you’ll all be man enough to acknowledge, despite years of denial, that blokes can hold their own at both shopping and talking.

Fair’s fair

Women have unfairly been stereotyped as obsessed with shopping and talking. Men are often equally unfairly stereotyped as beer-swillers who stand around scratching themselves.

I know many a female who likes their beer and is partial to scratching, but ask any man to generalise about women and he’ll probably say they love to shop and they all talk a lot. They’ll declare most women they know can talk the leg off an iron pot, or how their wife would win gold for Australia if talking was an Olympic sport. They’ll also tell you how the women they know can spend all day at the shops and come home with a multitude of shoes/handbags/craft items. They’ll say they don’t understand why women need any more of these when there’s already dozens in the cupboard.

I’m here to add some balance and remind men they’re equally as talented in the shopping and talking departments, and it’s about time they embraced their place on the podium beside us.

Talking the talk

Spend any time around a bunch of bike-riding men and they can, and will, talk for hours about their bikes. Not just the bike they have now, but past bikes (lost loves), future bikes (temptation) and current bikes (works in progress). Look at all the forums out there for motorcycle enthusiasts; they’re dominated by men. Even my technologically challenged husband can reply to threads, insert images and add icons, all in the name of talking about ’bikes and riding. For hours on end. Go on a ride and every time you pull up, the men will be talking before they’ve even got their helmets off. There’s been plenty of occasions I’ve had the chance to get a second cuppa while my hubby is talking to someone who’s pulled up on a bike. I reckon a lot of times I could’ve ridden on to our next stop and set up camp while he was deep in conversation with a stranger. And I’m a particularly slow rider!

Torque talk

Before you go thinking I’m suggesting that’s a bad thing, I’m not. If men, specifically my husband, weren’t such good talkers, and didn’t love talking about bikes and rides, there are lots of places I wouldn’t have been and so many experiences I would’ve missed.

For starters, I wouldn’t have tried riding to Cameron Corner. I wouldn’t have written off my beloved BMW650GS and wouldn’t now be the happy owner of a Husqvarna Terra.

I also doubt I would’ve had a go at riding in some of the challenging terrain and situations we’ve found out about by talking to other enthusiastic and passionate adventure riders. The fact men love a chat means I’ve had a wealth of fabulous adventures and met such of lot of truly lovely people. It’s a great way to share information and experiences. We’ve made friends all over the place because of men’s love of talking.

Variety shows

Women are less likely to go up to a rider they haven’t met and just start chatting. I’ve had men come up to me in the supermarket and ask about my bike, which they’ve obviously seen in the carpark.

I’m going to burst a bubble or two here, but women riders don’t stand around talking about how they’re going to have a pillow fight in their nighties when they get to their evening destination. On the whole, when we’re talking with other riders our entire conversation doesn’t revolve around bikes either. It might start there, then onto work, partners, kids, grandkids, travel, politics, health, stain removal, riding tips, shopping…all kinds of things.

My husband finds it baffling that I can go on a ride and find out nothing more about the other bikes than the brand and colour, but I know all about when they met their partner, how long they’ve been at their current job, what they did to end up in the lock-up at 22, where they’re planning to go on their next holiday, what made them support their favourite charity and a dozen other details. Perhaps that’s why we females have the stereotype as talkers, because our conversation varies so widely.

The hunt

If my husband, along with most other men I know, is anything to go by, males put females to shame in the shopping department, too.

The truth about men is that they love shopping. It probably harks back to prehistoric days when Ug and Og were off hunting mammoth. Adrenalin would kick in at the chance of a hunt. Back then it was a mammoth in the valley. Today it’s a bargain on ebay. It’s the same thing. Ug and Og could visualise how happy the tribe would be when they brought that mammoth back. Modern man can visualise how it’s going to look on his bike, how much bragging he can do about the savings he made and how much better his motorcycling experience will be with this new addition.

Hands up if you’ve ever said any of these things to justify a purchase – either to a spouse or yourself:

• “It was too big a bargain to pass up.”

• “I’ve been looking for one of these for years.”

• “It will make my ride safer/faster/more economical/louder/softer/better.”

• “This bloke told me it’s the best thing he’s done to his bike.”

• “It makes my bike look sexy.” I could go on but I think most of you have your hands up already.

Priorities

A bike is never perfect. There’s always some modification to be made, some accessory to be bought, some farkle to add. (I thought ‘farkle’ was a madeup word. I would’ve washed the kids’ mouths out with soap if I’d heard that one pop out before I started to spend time around bike enthusiasts).

“You’ve bought new curtains?”

a man will ask. “What are you wasting money for, woman?” Yet, the triple-dipped-in-titanium, handcrafted overlooking-the-slopes-of-Nerberg, cost-a-week’s-wages cover for the left dooverlackie – as used in a custom build in the latest issue of his favourite magazine – is a necessity!

“I really should have got one for the right dooverlackie as well,” he’ll explain patiently, as though she should be grateful for the saving his self-sacrifice has bought them.

Join ’em

At our place, my hubby built a small room to hold all the bike gear, tools and accessories. Our car doesn’t fit under cover now with all the adventure bikes taking up space, and the courier is on first-name basis with us and the dog. We could build a retaining wall with all the bike magazines he’s bought and are now piling up around the house.

On a broader level, bike shops have to hold Christmas parties in shifts just to cater for all their customers. There’s magazines dedicated purely to advertising motorbikes (or cars, or tractors) for sale. And they’re all aimed at men. Because people who publish and write for bike magazines know that men love to shop and to talk.

My first bike-related purchase was made a long time before I started riding. It was a copy of Long Way Round. When I bought my first bike a couple of years ago, it cost me under $2000 for the bike, helmet, jacket, gloves and boots. And I thought that would be all the money I would ever need to spend. Now I find myself wandering around bike shops, searching online, looking for things I’m sure I probably need.

So for now, I’d better shave my knuckles, and I’m off to get my testosterone levels checked. But first I have to buy some handlebar risers, order a new chain, take a look at those long-range tanks and call up a friend to find out what tyres they’re running on the weekend.

What I’ve learned

• Men can talk about bikes longer than women can talk about anything

• Men won’t remember the baby’s birth weight, your anniversary or their mobile number, but can tell you the full specs of every bike they’ve ever owned or would like to own

• The more I ride, the longer I can talk about bikes and riding, the more bike-related purchases I make and the hairier my knuckles become

• Men will always say we women talk and shop more than they do. (I think we know better now)

• Regardless of gender, everyone loves a bargain

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