Andy Strapz

This entry is part 16 of 19 in the series Adventure Rider Issue #30

Distractamania Andy’s been getting a little screen time.

It’s not rocket science, but riding a modern bike looks more like it each year.

There are more buttons on the ’bars now than one of Mick Jagger’s stage costumes. Bugger me. There are even interactive platforms – whatever they are. Maybe they’re a new type of off-road footpeg?

Not only do we have to keep an eye on the road, but every year there seems to be more to take our eyes and minds off the thing that we set out to do: ride a friggin’ bike.

I was cranky when I had to spend so much of my riding time looking at the speedo rather than the road ’cause the revenue raisers hid behind road safety.

The answer was dualsport bikes.

Out-of-the-way roads with the best corners had no coppers and very little traffic. I could continue to ride at sensible speeds rather than capital-city, cheap-shot, law-and-order, lazy-polly, policy-based boundaries. I’m only talking about $1.20 to $1.30.

Nothing stupid. Hell, sometimes 80kph in a 100kph zone is too fast.

I am capable of looking after myself.

Plenty to keep a ride from getting boring.
What? No Foxtel?

Recent rides on modern rigs required three days training prior to popping the proximity tag in my skyrocket. This little black duck and computers don’t see eye to IT. I’m like one of them people who can’t wear a watch ’cause their biology stuffs them up.

Computers crash and generally play up with me in front, or even beside, the electronic brain teasers.

I can tell you the stress of shouting at a bunch of toggling buttons, trying to change the ABS setting while reducing traction control detracts from the zen of the ride. And don’t get me started on Zumo, The God Of The Disoriented! Who designed the navigation systems for GPS? Some bitter-and-twisted nerd with a navigational chip on their shoulder, I bet!

Quad Lock allows me to perch my phone up on the dash now, too. Resisting the temptation to check and send texts while watching last night’s episode of Master Baiter (geez, city drivers seem to be having a bash at it. In fact, a mate caught a punter in a convertible doing just that last year. I’m not sure what he was watching) is tough.

So, I’m banging along a nice dirt road, checking missed calls, downloading a nav app, re-booting the GPS, blueing with the ABS, ticked off with the TCS, engaging Sport suspension mode, getting touchy with my TFT screen, adjusting the clock to daylight slaving and downloading my fuel consumption figures.

What could possibly go wrong?

Quad Lock lets Andy perch a phone on the dash of his V-Strom.